Friday, May 16, 2008

Twin Trendiness

I feel very trendy now that I have heard confirmation that Angelina Jolie is having twins. I hope she doesn't do what all the other celebrity moms have done and say how "easy" it is once they are born. Because I doubt that even with a round the clock baby nurse, nanny, maids, housekeeper, cook, etc. it would still be a lot of work - especially if you want to spend time with your kids and most definitely if you try to breastfeed.

In honor of Angelina I thought I'd mention a few comments I hear pretty much every day when someone learns I am having twins. I don't normally announce the times two factor but if someone asks if I know the sexes it always comes out.
  • "Wow, a boy and a girl - that's great. Now you're done!" Quite a presumption. After all my mom had 4 kids - what if I wanted more? It was interesting to see however at my first Mom of Twins meeting a few weeks ago that while there were twin moms with older children none had gone on to have more children.
  • "How are you going to do it?" A question every mom (expectant or otherwise) would like to know the answer to! This question just reminds me how unprepared and out of control I feel about becoming a mom. I was impressed when my sister Allie became a mom (and I cried when she called me and said "I'm a mom now" after my nephew was born) and seemed to take it in stride. Every now and again though she tells me a story about how she feels like a crazy mom and I feel better.
  • "Does it run in your family" or "are they natural"? I never realized how rude this question was until I started exploring fertility treatments. All my life people have asked that of me since I'm a multiple and of course the answer was yes because I predate fertility treatments. Does it really matter if the kids were conceived by fertility treatments or without? Husband says that I should answer "well, they aren't aliens". I actually conceived on Clomid but it doesn't increase your chances that much - IVF is much more likely to result in twins. But really, it doesn't matter. I have many friends struggling to conceive (I blame our crazy work schedules) and I'd be thrilled for them no matter what steps they needed to take. I actually enjoy when the various stars announce they are having kids via surrogacy. Good for them - stop making people feel they have to hide or that they are somehow less of a "woman/mom" because they used fertility treatments.
  • Other areas of interest that are too personal beyond the friend realm: "Will you have a "natural birth"?" "Will you breastfeed?" I'm pretty open though so I usually tell them what I hope to do. Soon I'll blog about my birth plan but I'm still mulling things over.
  • "You're so lucky. I've always wanted twins." To be honest this one bothers me less because secretly I agree. I am a triplet and very close to my sisters and I wanted that for my children too if possible. It's probably good I'm having a boy and a girl because otherwise I would expect the girls to be BFFs forgetting the years of squabbling I had with my sisters.

To any moms out there - currently pregnant or otherwise - what questions did you get that drove you crazy?


Anonymous said...

For those of us who have had singletons, my favorite was always, "Are you sure there's only one in there?" Yes, people, you are SUPPOSED to get this big when you're pregnant! Stop making me feel like a cow!

By the way, the only reason I came off as a "together" mom was because I just didn't answer the phone on all those many, crazy, hormonal days during the first several months. I am so not with it, but I survived and you will too! And you'll eventually find your stride as a mom, like I (think) I did.

Liz Jimenez said...

I always got asked what kind of help I was going to have (read: hire) when they were born, and that bugged me. While we did have the grandparents visit, and that was certainly helpful, I never planned on hiring anyone and was a little offended that people didn't think I could handle it. I mean, yeah, it's hard. And it would be nice to have someone take the night shift. But I kind of felt that's one of the things that goes along with being a new mom, and it seemed like an odd thing to spend that much money on. But hey, everyone's different...

Mommy, Esq. said...

I wish I could agree with Goddess in Progress but Husband really wants us to have some paid help at first for a few weeks and I'm not about to say no. Definitely an extravagence but I know I'm going to take help and advice better from an "expert" than from my mom who I usually disagree with on principal. :)

Anonymous said...

From a mom who could only conceive through major fertility intervention, I can stand some of the judging that goes on. I have actually been confronted by people who think my children are not natural because fertility treatments were used. It really kills me especially since most of the people that make these comments are actually the same people that are very religious. Just don't get me started on this topic! ((oh and hi! Allison sent your blog to me and I love reading blogs ))


H said...

Natural childbirth- seriously Kristin!