Sunday, June 8, 2008

Twin Article in Boston Magazine

My MOT group pointed out this article from Boston Magazine on twins. One interesting point was about number of eggs implanted during invitro. In Sweden (where a friend of mine just gave birth to a beautiful boy) my friend told me that fertility treatments including invitro are paid for by the government and they only allow 1 egg to be transferred unless it doesn't look viable. In Massachusetts it is covered (after jumping through numerous hoops as some of my friends can testify to) but in most states given the expense it makes sense to implant more than one embryo.

I found this article written by a mom who is pretty stressed about her situation and resentful about not being able to "juggle" her job with her family. While I am nervous about the tykes' arrival I am optimistic about our abilities to cope with them and I know that even if my career at Big Firm doesn't work out I can find other opportunities. Life is a challenge and having kids is a selfish decision so one should be prepared (or at least try to be prepared) for the ups and downs that come along with all kids.

I'm also lining up help and resources as much as possible - the woman who wrote this sounded very isolated even though at the end she noted she belonged to a MOT group. With so many friends and family in the area, plus our baby nurse and my MOT group I hope I won't feel as out of control as she clearly did.

I imagine my friends carrying "singletons" are just as nervous as I am and they don't get the "special treatment" during pregnancy we pregnant moms of multiples do. Good thing we are all type A planners!

5 comments:

Krissy said...

Wow! I read that article, and it was harsh. I don't think all MoM's struggle as much as the author seemed to, and hopefully, you won't either.

Glad everything was okay at the hospital!

ABS said...

The article does seem a bit alarmist. I hope it didn't stress Mommy Esq. out too much! At least in Mass. because IVF is covered, people don't do uber-crazy things like have 8 fertilized eggs implanted. My fertility doc always recommends implanting one and won't put in more than two. He said he goes through the risks with all of his patients, but most of them choose to implant two anyhow. At least for IVF round one, we're only going to put one in. We'll see how I feel if we get to round two or beyond...

a crapshack in nova said...

Wow, is she bitter much? I can say as a parent of two children that some of those issues are going to exist in any family with more than 1 child. Maybe not the issues with prematurity (though plenty of singletons are preemies), but certainly the behavioral and time management issues. I'm not saying twin moms don't have unique challenges. I am sure they do. But MoMs are not alone in having two screaming children making a scene in a grocery store, kwim?

I think a lot of the problems the author faced could have been dealt with by making a major adjustment of expectations. What did she think, she was going to pop two babies into the double stroller and meander on down to the coffee shop for a latte and a scone while the babes napped? That they would magically learn to obediently toddle behind her like ducklings? Adjust the expectations. My daily goals are always: Get everyone dressed, get everyone fed, make sure nobody dies. Anything we accomplish above and beyond that is just icing.

The motto of parenting (singletons, multiples, whatever) should be "Failing to plan is planning to fail." Whether you have 1 child or 6, things are just never going to be as simple as they were in those carefree pre-baby days. You can't just wing it and hope for the best because (at least in my experience) that is a recipe for a meltdown (whether it's the child(ren)'s or the mother's).

Anyway, I'm sure Mommy, Esq. will be just fine. I don't think it's as hard as people make it seem.... Even moms tell "fish stories" :-)

Theresa said...

I hope that when I become a parent that I can be as logical and level-headed as crapshack. Such good advice that I will file away...

a crapshack in nova said...

Crapshack came by her knowledge the hard way. :-P