Friday, October 2, 2009

Would You Say That to YOUR Mother?

Last night I went to a Big Firm recruiting dinner. A nice candidate from Boston College and a securities law partner newly minted as of last year. I should mention that I wasn't the biggest fan of this partner when he was an associate. A few years ago a partner took several associates to a Bruins game (my first) and this then-associate INSISTED on paying for everyone's dinner. It was all very awkward.

Anyway, he has 2 kids, one Ned and Penny's age, and a stay-at-home wife in the 'burbs. I mentioned that I was going to my alma mater on Saturday to judge a negotiation competition. He said "wow, you must really prefer not to see your kids." Do you think he would have said that to a male senior associate? Don't you wonder how often he sees his kids? What do you think his wife would have said if she had heard him say that?

18 comments:

LauraC said...

RUDE.

When the boys were newborns, I was shocked at the number of Jon's male co-workers who said rude things to him about him being up in the middle of the night with the babies. You know, of the "my wife does that" variety.

I got a good one last night at Chick-fil-A, I was just about to write about it on my other blog!

tovarena said...

Uch! I had a male co-worker say something very similar to me when I was mentioning how hard of a juggling act it all is. Something about how it's so much more important for the mom to be home with the kids than for her to be out having a career, making a name for herself.
After giving him one of "those" looks, I told him I do what I have to do to keep my family fed and clothed. And avoided him like the plague thereafter.

krueth said...

What a rude man!! Why do some men think its all the women's work.... Grrrr!

Husband said...

Oh, come on. It was obviously just a joke, albeit delivered poorly by someone who apparently tends to overcompensate for some innate weaknesses in social situations.

No need to let your own insecurities make you all touchy about it. Just fire back at him with more of the same, and it becomes a little bonding moment.

Donna said...

I would say to him, "Hmm, seems you don't like being around your kids much." Then walk away. What an a$$

ElizabethEK said...

JERK. What is it with a$$y people these days... between this and Laura's post....

Being a BigLaw partner myself, along with a SAHD husband, I get these sorts of comments all the time.

When we told everyone I was going back to work, Peter's uncle said that his wife hadn't gone back to work after their child was born because "she put her kids first".

almostima said...

You know, I think we need to prepare a bag of stock responses to this kind of crap. I think I would just end up stunned with a big gaping mouth and a "did I just hear that correctly?" look.

But then again, when we're the main breadwinner, we live in fear of being fired for "an attitude problem" and so we just take it.
Jerk!

Jungle said...

Yowser! The man is obviously a total turd.

What A Card said...

Moms just can't win. I get comments just as stupid about being a stay at home mom.

Well, maybe not *that* stupid.

jerseygirl77 said...

How about firing back with, "Yes, I can't wait until they're old enough to go to boarding school. In Switzerland."

Nicole said...

That is so unbelievably unacceptable. You are an AMAZING (double underlined!) mom and should not have to put up with crap like that. At least you know you are setting a great example for your kids and are raising a son who will never be that insensitive : )

Just Kristen said...

Wow! That is just wrong! The double standard is alive and well in 2009 I guess! Believe me science isn't any better!

Anonymous said...

From your mother (a member of the bra burning brigade) I guarantee (sp?) that this particular partner will be divorced within the next 5 years and I sincerely hope his soon to be ex-wife engages the best divorce lawyer in Boston and takes eveything because at this point the only thing he has is is job...how stupid

Lisa said...

Uck! That is HORRIBLE. I'll admit I struggle with time away from S&J on the weekend, but I think it is also IMPORTANT for me to give my husband opportunities to be alone with them and reinforce their bond. I won't even get into the whole male chauvenistic monster issues. Argh!

Susan said...

No excuses....just plain rude and uncalled for.

Drew said...

This guy is an idiot. And, I totally agree with What A Card. I get comments of a different sort for being a SAHM. People always look at me like I must be stupid, and that is why I do not work. Either that or Mrs. Trump. You can't win. You can only know that their comments are grounded in their own insecurities.

Anonymous said...

Whenever someone says or asks something obnoxious I always smile and say "Hmmm why do you ask?" The only response they can give is "Because I'm a giant A** who should mind my own business and keep my mouth shut." :)

Leigh said...

I think I would be speechless at the rudeness!

What did you say?